last night was a good night. but when i went home two in the morning i just looked at my place and flipped. i only had two cups of wine, which was good by the way, i wasn’t even drunk. i see shit all over the living room. it’s my roommate’s. a fifth, a guy that is not even paying to live here; my roommate’s friend. i mean he’s been living here and sleeping on the couch and that stupid inflatable mattress, which i hate stepping over to open the window and want to rip to shreds. he’s been living with us EVERY WEEK DAY with the exception of two or three weekends since the start of this semester. what the fuck is up with that? i wake up in the morning and i can’t watch tv or do curls ups on the table (flat surface, floor is dirty as fuck) because this nigga be sleeping til the afternoon. i’m tired and sick of the same morning. it’s not just him.
kitchen is dirty as fuck. counters covered in shit. dishes never washed the day they are used and instead piled upon so one of us shits are supposed to wash which is stupid. the stove which i cleaned to white is now covered in gross and shit. my side of the bathroom sink is dirty as fuck. covered in hair! you razor shave your hair and chest hair or what not and do not even clean up it up. you think i like washing my face or leaning against a sink with damn curl pieces of hair? the answer is no. a big fucking gross of an ass no. they don’t even see that i separate bottles for recycling. i don’t give a damn if the building doesn’t recycle or if you’ve seen the people throw everything away together. if there’s a fucking recycling bin or some shit i will choose to fucking recycle. don’t put my bottles in the giant black bag of garbage so you can throw it away in one trip. i spent three days during winter break cleaning up the place and in the same amount of time it gets back to being dirty. hey, thanks for thanking me for cleaning up the place to only back fuck me and make the place dirtier.
so i flipped. i picked up the arm chair, threw it. it broke haha. i see the table and decided to flip it. i didn’t see the glassware. whatever. a broken plate and cup i picked out and threw away. my bad, i’ll compensate. i did not touch your shit. it’s not like i went after the tv or your laptops. you serious? how dare you to even bring that up on me. you think i’m enjoying this? feeling good? don’t see how this is bad? STFU. i know. i just wanted some god damn control. i talked to you about you guys taking my alcohol. one time you guys even said you would buy me something. STILL HAVE NOT gotten shit. i don’t want your “hey, we’re drinking. want a shot?” NO MOFOS i want a six pack or a handle or some shit that i can drink whenever the fuck I WANT TO and not when YOU are hanging out. you guys took like four shots of my vodka and used like 16 cans of MY beer for pong when i left. 4 or 6, even 8 fine, but seriously? it was a 30 of coors NOT keystone.
yes, it’s is my fault for holding shit in, but it’s not like i never tried. i talked to one of you. i told you about the alcohol. i don’t appreciate people taking my fucking eggs without permission and not even giving me a word of using them. one time, half my eggs were gone. if a fucking little mess is a problem, think about it as a microcosm of what the fuck is in my head. you guys don’t think the place is messy but salsa on the wall and knocked over bottles is? don’t make me laugh. you might think that i’m not controlling my rage but this is how i deal with shit. i don’t have to follow societal rules. the idea of selling yourself to make friends just wants me want to laugh. if i can’t even display myself when i am alone in my home, THEN FUCK YOU. this was my alone time. I didn’t do this shit for a second of peace or pleasure. i did it for a sign of control, peace, to know that i can do something and stand to it. i am sorry for what i did, but at the same time i am not. and if i get threatened to be beaten because of my attitude and not saying hi, then next time just beat me the fuck up. but don’t think i’ll hold back. don’t fucking threaten like you are fucking better than me. don’t fucking lecture me about a world that i’ve been living in and fucking know about. the insanity in my head will not forgive the disrespect which i feel you guys have given me. same goes to my roommate. didn’t even want to go out to the bars to drink with me on my birthday… guys are chill people, but living with you just pisses me the fuck off.