this is old but it still creeps up. it was my birthday. i made massive calls and texts to my closest friends if they want to hit the bars for about a month every week. no one really wanted to go and a man date was out of the question. so i thought “today is my birthday, maybe things would be different”. it was the same responses i get as the weeks before. It’s true. I deceived and tested my friends in a way I guess-not telling them it was my birthday or not planning ahead. I don’t care that no one knew it was my birthday. I just feel like going out and hanging out on a weekend and wanted someone, anyone to be with and chill. I didn’t need a birthday to give me an excuse to feel special and loved for a day. I didn’t want my birth day to give me any sort of special attention to force my friends to come and make me happy for a day. This was my logic. I don’t regret what I did. I don’t have to plan ahead. I felt so lonely on my birthday… I asked my roommate who I trusted, depended on even more if all else fails even rejected me. I asked, begged, screamed and broke out into anger and he ignores me. Who is more wrong? The one who can’t control his true emotions of anger and disappointment or the one who does not try to comfort and instead ignores the one who is in pain. Thankfully paul came through and we went out. I don’t need my birthday to be special or a time of fake smiles and petty bought drinks. I want. I need friends who give a fuck to be there for me. I’m sorry I’m so boring or not worth your time.